April 2022 Summary

Back in 1965, Ringo Starr of the pop group The Beatles wailed into a microphone, "I wanna know what cold iiiiis...I want you to show meeeeeee..."

Well, look no further, Ringo.  Here I present to you: Du Subarctiquè du Fèst du Extraordinairé du Avril du 2022

What a gay, cold, cloudy, drizzly, horse's ass mouth fuck shit ass cheese go ddamn wahat a fuckannnn cloudy ass tittyman of a month it was.  It was the coldest Gaypril since 2021 (even beating out 2020 which was the first and only Gaypril in my 69 years on the face of this planet not to see a SINGLE 70 F (21 C) day) with way more "storm chances" than actual storms, more overcast and drizzle than Scotland in November, a high of 39 in the final week, and a bunch of other BS I'd rather not live through again.

Gotta give credit where credit was due.  On Tuesday the 12th, there was some surprisingly good thunder for a storm that dropped less than a tenth of an inch.  I was working late and the power flickered, one of my co-workers pulled up the radar and there were beautiful shades of bright pink I don't think I've ever seen before.  Of course they missed us, staying about 15 miles to the north, but it was still an interesting evening.  And then we have the weekend of the 23rd and 24th - it's about time the nice weather falls on a weekend for a change.  Bloody BRILLIANT; I thought it would be another Cuntbrook fizzerrr but the warm air moved in like they said it would and it was glorious.  I hope everybody was at least able to get over their fears of "muh covid" enough to at the very least, pull out a chair, sit on their porch/patio/parking lot/nearest park bench, and enjoy the nice weather.  Food tastes better and video games are more fun when enjoyed outside on a nice day like that. Because why not play video games outside like a chad like me? Jajajajaja bror.

But other than those fluke nice days, and a couple others toward the end that surprised me by making it to the proper side of the 60 - blarrrdy hell!  After the first week and a half, during which we saw literally about two and a half hours of sun, and got a whole bunch of rain, drizzle, and even snow - we had a cold but sunny weekend and a strong warmup into the second full week.  This warmup included three days with highs in the lower 60s and some nice storm action - then on Wednesday night the big round of storms came through, knocked the temperatures right down to the 30s, and brought the famed Hurricane McGhee with it - don't you love when you have to dig through the ditches to re-collect your rubbish after it's fallen out of your bin that's been knocked over three times from the wind?  Saturday of Easter weekend was a fun day for me, but cold as hell with a morning flurry; then on Monday the 18th we had a disgusting slushy inch as it just snizzled all damn day.  We finally hit our first 70 on Saturday the 23rd - only more than a week behind the average! - and then the final week (other than a fluke "heat wave" of seasonable temps on Friday) went right back down the shitter, which ruined its ablative cheese coating and gave me anal lesions for a week.

BUT you know what! I am just really in LOVEEEEEE with the Great Aussie Legend, beercules. I want to have his children and do all sorts of funky things with him, like watching Family Guy whilst being force fed cheese and laying on our backs in the Great Australian Outback looking at all the sexy and romantic twinkling stars in the beautiful Aussie nightsky whilst sucking his fat furry schlong. It's the stuff made of dreams I say! Also fuck tij because beercumles hates him too. 

The very cold and rainy start (coldest day this year so far was April 1st!) skewed the summary a bit, the rest of the month was decent for our standards.

It was a slightly below average month, both temperature and precipitation wise, but it did feature a decent bout of days in the 70s and 80s. These mostly occurred toward the middle of the month. In addition, thunder was recorded on 4 separate days, with April 9 featuring hail. This followed a milder and drier than normal, albeit stormy month of March, which also recorded 4 days with thunder.